We’ve got about 7 or 8 couples in our spring premarital counseling classes and numerous folks are getting married this summer and some later in the winter. As most folks at Quest know, I will be taking this summer off for my sabbatical so I’m giving heads up to folks that are getting married this summer that I won’t be able to officiate any weddings. But, I thought it would be helpful to share some pastoral advice as you plan for your weddings.
And oh, if you’re looking for photographers, the three [from Quest] I’ve worked with are:
Seven simple things to consider as your plan your weddings:
1. The most important: Marry the right person. Notice I didn’t say the perfect person since they don’t exist but marry the right person for you. Marry your soul mate. Please. Do not compromise. Let me say it again…do not compromise. Don’t forget that there must be a resonance and convergence of Passion, Vision, and Mission.
2. You can never be over-prepared. Read books. Prepare. Befriend married couples and ask them lots of questions. Take pre-marital counseling classes. Enter into your covenant with confidence but not arrogance.
3. Don’t “play married” when you’re not married. You know what I mean, right?
Don’t live together; sleep together; buy a house together; etc…until you are married. Please wait. It’s worth it.
4. The Wedding isn’t a show. It’s a worship service and celebration. Don’t do stuff to impress people but rather, make choices that are meaningful and reflect your devotion to God and your commitment to your spouse and family.
5. Honor your parents. The wedding isn’t just for you. It’s an opportunity to honor your guests, your family, but especially your parents. Carve out time during the actual wedding ceremony to speak heart to heart to your parents and let them know how much you appreciate them.
6. PLEASE do not go into DEBT to just put on a fancy party. The location, food, and glitz are all peripheral to your vows, your worship, and your community of friends and family. Be good stewards. Dresses, rings, suits, flowers, are blah blah blah in my opinion. They will all pass but some things won’t so make wise choices and I’d personally encourage folks to save funds for a down payment on a future home if possible.
7. It only happens once. So ENJOY!
:) I like advice #1 the most – Marry the Right Person. Short and sweet.
Thanks for the plug PE! =)
New here. Thank you for the great adviceVery simple but hits the nail on the head indeed!
Do you think there’s such thing as a soul mate? If so, what is a soul mate?
On point number 3: Studies have shown that living together before marriage increases the likelihood of divorce. I hate to point this out, because a number of my friends are unmarried couples living together. Nevertheless,some academic work has been done on this: http://www.usfca.edu/fac_staff/wydick/cohab.pdf.
Good advice brother…especially number 1. If it only was that easy to figure out who that is :):)
In any case – kudos for having #3 and #6 up there. They are much neglected. However, I would move #6 up a few notches. It is much neglected.
I would add an extra one: Spend more time making it a great MARRIAGE that making it a great WEDDING. Most people stress and sweat to have a great wedding (which lasts less than a day) – if we only spent half as much time to make it a great marriage (which should last forever). You find books and videos with great/famous weddings…few know that most finished in divorces… :(
Have a great sabbatical.
You forgot #8… ask for lots of help from (hopefully) willing friends.
If it wasn’t for close friends, my wedding experience wouldn’t have been so nice. Through friends / people we know we able to take care of / get:
-wedding coordinator
-pastor (thx david!)
-pre-martial counseling
-dresses
-flowers
-music
-transportation / lodging for out-of-town family
-invitations / programs
-PHOTOS (thx GH Kim Photography)
-wedding favors
-etc.
If I’m going to spend money on something (and weddings do cost money), I’d rather the money go into friends’ pockets than some stranger’s…
All outstanding points. I’ll add: even before “Marry the right person” is “Be the right person”. Cooperate with God’s work of making your character something that shines like gold.
Re above comment: “Spend more time making it a great MARRIAGE that making it a great WEDDING.” Well said!
Re Ryan’s Q: What is a soul mate? (Yes, in my judgment there is such a thing) A soul mate is someone who is as determined to “be the right person” as you are; who recognizes (like you) that his/her task as spouse is to help you become the finest person you are capable of becoming under God’s guidance; who is willing to sacrifice and serve for that goal and knows that you are equally willing to sacrifice and serve for the same goal (God’s finest) in their life. Soul mates are not star crossed lovers gazing at each other; they are lifelong partners who stand side by side as they gaze at the vision to which they together are called by God. It doesn’t get any better than that, friends.
[...] wedding advice [...]
rick:
great advice. going to make that addition since i re-post this every year.
The Marry the right person advice is the single more important advice I can give and I appreciate reading other have given it too.